Re-worked soundtracks!

My post below has got my brain ticking, for why settle for the original when you can strip all the mystery away and instead produce an instantly out-of-date soundtrack designed to be bought, forgotten and finally sold on e-bay.

Let's start with the Modern Greats

How much more FUN would JAWS be if the fat toothy shark was summed up by the trilling melodies of Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn'?

It brings a new level of truth to the line, 'there's nothing where he used to lie...'

Picture it with me for just one moment. Fun, yes, but more accurate also. Disregarding John Williams' iconic piano warning altogether (unless Moby could hash it into a remix?)

Song Lyrics as great human truths? (Discuss)

During my student days I once drew an interesting comparison between Madame Bovary and the subject of 'Disillusion', Badly Drawn Boy's first hit in the UK. My point, although deliciously simple at the time and now rather laboured, referenced his innate understanding of the doomed wench's emotional state, despite the considerable void between the two of gender, age and actual existence.

Now, never one to avoid the utterly crass, I thought it might be fun to imagine a soundtrack for a modern take on this classic, ideally set in the Valley. Of particular interest to me is the opportunity to be very literal.

For example, our chesty young lovely shilly shallying through the provincial malls after her romp with Rodolphe, wouldn't this scene be embellished if Ne-yo's 'Sexy Love' accompanied her? Straight to the point. Why waste key minutes in exposition when we have the music to labour it?

Gone West

This is an experimental post, as I sit in Pacific Grove, CA, watching locals go about their business.
Of course, confronted with the fading colours of the sea and shore, the almost agressive beauty of this area, I am inspired to think freely and deeply. Life on the West coast is markedly different, behold my findings!

1) Nights are deliciously chilly, meaning my beloved layers are for once a necessity and not an affectation.

2) Monterey is the pits

3) I cannot pull off directional nail polish. Current shade of aqua green is faintly ridiculous. I look like some 90s Tank Girl wannabe.

Chanel: Autumn/Winter 2009

Naturally, as it's 90 degrees outside I'm fixated on the imminent arrival of Autumn and all that comes with it: temperate climate, layers, colours, boots and coats. Perhaps a pleasing hat for good measure. The magazines are obviously a few steps ahead of me and the next batch of adverts for this coming season are upon us. It's hardly novel but I love the atmosphere created by these grainy black and white shots from Chanel. Yes the girls romping through the fields look a bit like witches coming to get you, yes they are probably trying to suck out your soul however, they are at least attempting all of this in style. Who would begrudge them when they have ruffs and buckles in their arsenal? It's possible that they might even give up their beautifully-trussed jackets in exchange for your mortal soul.



See http://www.chanel.com/fashion/8#8 for some hypnotic luuuuuuuuuuxe styling.

Mother's Advice

Now, my Mum was not prone to soundbite pop culture characters to demonstrate a point, truly, but when we watched 'Gone with the Wind' together, one drizzly Sunday when I was about ten she decided to share a little theory with me, her gullible lone daughter.

Based on characters in the film (you know it? It was le big hit you know) she proclaimed that there were two types of women. Only two mind, things were simpler then, none of this five people you meet in heaven complication, no, just two. Those two types were either

Scarlet O'Hara, namely a manipulative shrew who you somehow can't help rooting for.





OR

Melanie Hamilton, AKA " Miss Mellie" The sweet and lovely southern belle who gets the man ultimately (and what other goal could she possibly have?)



I remember being a bit shocked that the many layers that make up a personality, all those diverse cultural influences, the effect of time and location, even genetic predispositions, all of this could be reduced to the two choices that fall to women.

If of course you are looking to simplify your life and put yourself in a box but you are unsure whether you are a Scarlett or a Melanie, the eyebrows are key. Apparently tweezed, slanty ones mean wickedly charming or just wicked but the Miss Mellies of the world have infinitely softer, more yielding examples.

I wonder if this insight will make gauging folks any easier? I might try it today.

A nostalgic activity

Is there anything more engrossing than making a mix-tape/play list for someone? Especially when you are handing over music you think they may not know. It was quite the teenage wooing technique back in my hood.. it demonstrated just how cool you thought you were. I used to go all out: mix-tape, complete with a highly-bespoke track list. The more I liked the person, the more effort I put in: frankly if it wasn't covered with stars and stickers it was a slap in the face. Obviously I moved with the times and upgraded to CDs, the now obsolete mini-disc and of course now it's all on itunes. I wonder if any of my friends or loves past still have them somewhere? Stashed under their bed or locked in a vault somewhere? I might put word out.

Of course, on the other side of making the mix-tape, there was the delight of receiving a mix-tape from a like-minded soul, be it new friend or love.

I think the mix-tape unites us all.

Two mysteries and a suit made of meat.

Today is a nice, lazy day however I am thinking. I have been treading the same ground intellectually for some time so I now throw it the floor:

new career choice.

I'm not sure how I ended up in an industry (commercial art) without prospects despite working really rather hard for more than five years but it would seem that this is the case. Mystery no. 1! Now, rather than bemoan this, I simply have to find out how to transition into something else. What that something else might be is Mystery no. 2!

I should point out that I am qualified for nothing and have no discernible talents.

I'm looking for a good fit, a fit like a second skin, a suit made of meat.

Anyone.